Most of my posts have been written in humour because I feel it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself.
This week the humour is a little lost!
I mentioned in one of my posts that I was not the greatest role model for my kids where alcohol is concerned.
They have always seen me socialising with a glass of wine in hand. Seen me many times drunk. Witnessed my hangovers.
Is it any wonder that they grow up to think this must be normal and socially acceptable.
So when you know one of your kids has a drink problem at the age of 17 what do you do?
Apart from everything and anything to help them avoid the path of self destruction. Counselling, referrals to support services, GP’s. Nagging, not nagging, tears, worry.
I then take on the guilt trips and start blaming myself.
This week I get a phone call at 4.30am whilst on my night shift, to say my son was very drunk and had been beaten up. The police had found him and taken him to the nearest A&E department.
When I arrive at A&E I don’t see a 21 year old man lying on the stretcher, I see my vulnerable boy, my battered and bruised boy :(.
Battered and bruised because of alcohol.
The fumes coming off his breath are toxic. I look at his tiny framed body (all of 7 stone) wondering how his poor liver is able to cope with the weekly binges.
As I poor my heart out to the doctor asking her to refer him for help, she asks my son questions, he acknowledges to her that he thinks he has a problem with drinking (no shit).
The doctors words to him still play in my head, she said…
“If you don’t do something about it, it won’t end well for you”!
I decided to give up alcohol because of the negative affect it was having on myself, those around me, my well being, my self esteem. I was already on a path of self destruction, drinking way too many units a week, being overweight, always tired.
Why did it take until I was 49 to finally do something to change. Was I really so afraid of giving up something that I believed helped me get through the stresses of life, but knowing it was really the devil!
My son is almost 21 and yet I hope every day he will want to change enough to do something about the way he drinks.
Amy Winehouse was at an awards ceremony having been clean for some months. After she was announced as the winner of an award, she whispered to her friend “this is no fun without drugs”.
I want to be a role model for my kids and prove to myself and to them that you can have fun without alcohol.
Life IS an adventure and for my second half of it, I want to remember it all :).
Lost 1.5 lb this week.
Total so far 17 lb.